I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
