He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
