you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize