got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
