Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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