I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
