Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
