I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
