i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
