At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
