Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize