how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize