So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i have herpe
just one?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
