i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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