So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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