Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
