Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
