I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
