I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
