I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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