after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
