Ambien. No doubt about it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
