i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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