Do you still have your period?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize