dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
