sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
