hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
