Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
