But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
