I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
