i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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