Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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