I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
