hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
