White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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