Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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