proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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