I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
