I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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