I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
