He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
