my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
