So drunk its hurt
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
