you guys were way drunker than both of me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
