is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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