yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
