You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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