You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm always down for nudity.
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