Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
