Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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