but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
