I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
