I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
