She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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