I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
