thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
