I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
