i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
