dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
