I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
