Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
