maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
