the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
