Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
