Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
