dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
