Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
